The journey continues

Well, I went to the hospital yesterday to get some preliminary stuff out of the way.  I had my bloodwork done, went to physical therapy so I could learn how fat people should exercise and I had a sleepstudy.  I got a phone call today to inform me that I will need to come back because I stopped breathing approximately 15 times per hour.  Hmm.  I was pretty sure that I didn't snore so I was not terribly worried about the sleepstudy.  Now I find out that I'm gonna have to drive 2 hours back to Alabama (closest in network provider for lap band) and spend another night so that I can be fitted for a lovely CPAP machine.  Fabulous.  Well, while I'm not thrilled with the fact that I will have to endure sleeping in some sort of contraption around my nose/face/head.  I am thrilled to find out why I have been so tired for the last 20 years!  I'm not totally lazy there is medical explaination!!  Whoop whoop!  I wonder if I should call my ex-husband and inform him?  I tried to tell him for years that something was wrong with me and that I wasn't crazy/lazy or just a bad wife.  Oh well, I think I'll just let that dead dog lie. 

Anywho, I am 3 months into my 7 month consults with my PCP and I have completed everything else.  At first I was ready to just get on with the banding and get rolling.  As I have been working on my paperwork and learning how my life will change with the band I have learned things that I probably wouldn't have learned if I had been able to just jump right into the band.  I had an epiphany today.  I use food as a reward, I had a hard day so I deserve a blizzard, you get the idea.  Here's the epiphany part, I also feel that food can be a punishment.  Let me explain, I can't/don't control my eating therefore I have to get water to drink and not sweet tea.  I wonder if ordering water to drink, fruit instead of fries, passing on the bread basket and saying no thanks to dessert will become second nature at some point?  I want to want the fruit but I really like fries.  Why do I have to choose? Why is it that some people can have the fries and the dessert but I can't?  Aren't I special too? Maybe these will issues will become more clear over the next few months as I learn to make better food choices.  How did food get to be such an issue with me?